Cocktail Hour - The Stiletto

All right, all right, all right. It’s cocktail time (I don’t subscribe to the conventional “It’s 5 o’clock somewhere” because, if I’m conscious, it’s drink:thirty - that’s why mimosas were invented). If you remember, last week I told you that I had made a cocktail that was so disgusting to me that I almost wiped my tongue off like a petulant child. So I decided to go with my all-time favorite drink for the next “installment.”

stiletto

The Stiletto

1.5 oz. bourbon (let’s be honest, I start at 3 oz.)
3/4 oz. amaretto
splash of simple syrup or sweet and sour
maraschino cherries

Just the sound of the shaker makes me happy. I think it also soothes Ralph and Ted. They know “mommy” is about to get a whole lot mommier.

I felt kinda bad that I didn’t take a picture of all the ingredients, but I was a little embarrassed by our container of maraschino cherries. It’s a…one gallon jar. NOW. Let me say that is NOT because I drink Stilettos so often that Ryan thought it would just be more economical to buy the gallon jar. It’s just because he buys everything in bulk. I swear. I was then going to just put a couple of cherries in a jar for the picture, but then I realized I had gotten cherry juice on my Justin Timberlake t-shirt and…I just need to drink the drink, man. Just accept that you are not reading A Beautiful Mess and we can all move on.

By the way, Ryan said the picture I took was really cool. Then he asked me if I accidentally had my thumb over the lens. NICE!!! Thanks for the vote of confidence in my photographic ability! (And for those of you who know how bad I am at pictures, let me assure you that the answer to his question is no).

Oh, and I just have to say that drinking a couple of these caused me to write a very long post on Lindsay Lohan’s reality TV show on OWN. By the light of day, I realized it was a little nonsensical and maybe people don’t really care about Lindsay Lohan’s reality TV show on OWN, so I didn’t publish it. You’re welcome.

 

 

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Gin and Tonic Sorbet

Guys. I know I shouldn’t really complain about LA weather because…like blizzards and tornadoes and stuff (although there are wildfires happening nearby), but…it’s as hot as balls here. When I come home from work, this is what Ralph and Ted look like:

Hot Ralph and Ted

I think we’re going to give Ted a bath because this picture doesn’t even show how greasy and homeless he looks. I mean, I’m not joking when I say that it was at least 90 degrees in our apartment since we don’t have central air and we get exactly 0.00 breeze. It’s hellish.

So, when I stumbled upon this, I almost squealed in delight.

ginandtoniciceThe Gin and Tonic Sorbet. Don’t you want some right now? I do. And it’s only 9:18 am. So, let me fill you in on how to make it for me (hint, hint):

Gin and Tonic Sorbet

Ingredients:

Sorbet base:

2 cups simple syrup
squeeze fresh lemon juice
pinch kosher salt

Gin and tonic sorbet ingredients:

1 1/2 cups tonic water
1/4 cup fresh lime juice
1 1/2 teaspoon juniper berry extract (available at amazon.com)
1/4 cup gin
zest of 1 lime, grated on a microplane

Method:

1. Make simple syrup: In a 4 quart saucepan, combine 2 1/4 cups sugar and 2 cups water. Bring to a boil over medium high heat, stirring until sugar is dissolved.

2. Remove from heat and chill, about 30 minutes.

3. Make your base. Combine simple syrup, 1/2 cup water, lemon juice, and salt in bowl. Stir well.

4. Combine sorbet base with tonic water, lime juice, and juniper extract in a bowl.

5. Process in an ice cream maker according to manufacturer instructions. Add gin during last 2 minutes of churning. Add zest and churn for a few seconds more.

6. Scrape into airtight storage container. Freeze for a minimum of 2 hours before serving.

There’s gotta be a way to make ice cream without an ice cream maker, right? I don’t need to run out and buy an ice cream maker just to make this, right? I’m about to scour the internet to find out.

Oh, and I know I’ve missed a couple of cocktails, but I’ll be perfectly honest. The last one I made I hated so much that I almost got a paper towel and wiped my tongue off like a small child would do. It greatly deflated me. I’ll get back on the horse, though. I promise.

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Tutorial Tuesday - Microwave Makeover!

Guys. Hold on to your wigs and hug your loved-ones tight. I actually got Ryan to write up the post for the microwave makeover he did. I did add some editorial comments - I couldn’t stop myself. Ryan…take it away…

Alright, so we don’t have the nicest looking kitchen. It could be worse, but it could also be a million times better. So, forgiving the overall un-greatness of the kitchen, there is still one glaring eyesore that over the years we have tried to trick our eyes into not noticing. Submitted for your approval, a microwave. Once white, clean, and uncracked, now worn from years of sunlight and turned a color of yellow only previously seen on the teeth of a chain-smoking coffee addict who’s allergic to toothpaste. I warn you, what you are about to see is not for the weak-stomached or faint of heart.BeforeCrackYeah, pretty rough, right!? But we’re renters so what can we do? I can only imagine what good calling the landlord would do.

[Ring ring]

Me: “Hey how are you doing? It’s me, the never-complains-about-anything-and-always-pays-on-time renter :)” [Ed note - Ryan ends all text messages with a smiley face to depict his overall niceness, so he apparently felt the need to convey that here.]

Landlord: “Yeah, what do you want?”

Me: “Well I was wondering if it would be possible to get a new microwave.”

Landlord: “What’s wrong with the one that’s there now?”

Me: “Well it’s old and gross-looking. It’s cracked really badly and pieces are falling off.”

Landlord: “Does it still work?”

Me: “Yes it st . . . [dial tone]”

So the first thing I did was resolve myself not to ask or tell the landlord anything. Better to ask forgiveness, right? Then I decided to go look at spray paint colors at Home Depot. I thought about going with something interesting or unique, like a red or blue [Ed. note - I hope he meant orange or turquoise because he’d be nuts to think I’d like red or blue - what is this, a day at the yacht club? Should I wear my anchor earrings?], but then decided that since it’s not my microwave, I’d just go with something that would be generally accepted and that if the landlord saw it, he’d like it (fingers crossed). So I found this:

Rust-OleumIt bonds well to plastic and is a paint and primer, so it’ll cover over old color well and stick. Also, while not fooling anyone, it will hopefully have the look of a stainless steel microwave. Whatever color you choose I would recommend that it be rated to stick to plastic and be glossy. This paint was only a few bucks at Home Depot, but for a little more money I’m sure you can go to a paint store and order a custom color spray paint.

So, step one - as our microwave is over the stove (as many are), it has accumulated plenty of grease. There are a lot of degreasers you can buy at the store, but most of us already have a cheaper and effective degreaser in the kitchen.

CleaningThat’s right, warm water and dish soap will work fine. Just make sure you scrub and clean until it’s gone. YOU CANNOT PAINT ON TOP OF GREASE. Once you have it all off, give it one more wipe down with clean water.

Next, since I had cracks and a completely loose piece on the front that I could take right off, I super glued the pieces back together as best I could. Then let them dry. Hopefully you won’t have any cracks, as this is the only tricky part of this project.Super GlueNow that the pieces are stuck together, you can still see the cracks. And in my case, the pieces didn’t fit together smoothly, so the surface is actually uneven. So I took some Bondo and fixed it up. If you haven’t used it before, you’ll be amazed at how nice it is to use. It dries fast and sands down nicely. You just slather it on in thin coats until it’s built out enough, let it dry between coats, then sand it down with a 200 grit sanding block until it has the shape you want. Then put another thin coat over it and sand it down with some 400 grit sandpaper until it’s nice and smooth. Keep putting coats and sanding until it’s smooth. Otherwise every single uneven edge or pit will glare at you after you’ve painted. Trust me, you might think the paint will hide or cover over a little imperfection, but in fact it will accentuate it.BondoApplying BondoSandpaperSanded BondoBy the way, this is messy and it would be ideal to remove the microwave for this whole project. But if it’s too much work to do, just make sure you put plastic on everything around and tell yourself you’re okay with some dust.

Next I was able to remove the vent cover at the top and paint it outside. Then I taped off and put plastic on everything that I did not want to get painted. I forgot to take a picture after I had done this, but I’m sure you get it. As a side note, I found some cheap blue tape at Big Lots and was happy to save some money, but then ended up having to rip it all off since it didn’t stick well. I then went with FrogTape. It costs a dollar or two more than good blue tape, but sticks really well and makes for very clean lines.

BE AWARE! Spray painting indoors creates a cloud of paint that will float in the air and land a good 15 feet away from where you’re spraying. It doesn’t stick, but it is a fine, colored dust that will need to be cleaned. Especially in the kitchen, cover or remove canisters containing edibles, cooking utensils, toasters, coffee makers, etc. You get it. Don’t be stingy with the plastic!

Then to painting. Make sure you don’t spray too close to the surface your painting or you will get drips and runs. If this happens, let the paint dry and sand down the unevenness with 400 grit sand paper. Paint in thin even coats allowing some dry time between coats until it looks the way you want. I chose not to paint the underside of the microwave since you can’t really see it and I wasn’t sure how the paint would hold up with the heat of the stove. They do make paint that is designed specifically for hot areas if you want to go with something like that.

Plastic

I painted in two phases. One phase with the door open and the inside all taped off to get to areas that could not be sprayed with the door closed. And then another phase with the door closed.

All in all it was a casual 6 to 8 hours of work and ended up costing about $25. So without further ado, I give you the finished product.

First the before.Before 3And now the after.AfterOpen doorI did not have high hopes for this project. But I figured I couldn’t make this thing look any worse. And it turned out way better than expected! The before was even worse in person than in the picture, and the afters are even BETTER in person than in the pictures! It’s been about a month since I did this and after using the stove plenty of times, the paint shows no signs of loosening or bubbling.

Overall, this is a fairly easy project that can be done in a day. I would do this again without any hesitation. And you should’ve seen Lizzie’s face when I surprised her with this simple microwave remodel. [Ed. note - for one split second, my heart turned human again. It’s glorious! The microwave, not my stoney heart.]

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