Let me start out by saying that I’m not talking about any of your (all my one million followers) babies/children. They are all beautiful I’m sure. But I recently saw a baby that was…less than pretty (it’s a baby, so I’ll try to choose my words a little nicely). Hey, they exist. It’s a fact. Don’t pretend that I’m just dead inside and have no heart (although…well played). But people were FAWNING all over this baby and I gotta ask - do you lie through your teeth when you see a baby that you KNOW IN YOUR HEART is ugly and say it’s pretty? Or do you skirt around it and use a word like “breathtaking” (thanks Seinfeld)? To compensate for its lack of beauty, do you go over the top and say how everyone in the world would want that baby because it’s so gorgeous? Or do you just avoid all image-related comments? Or are you a blind person? I think I can give that last one a pass. Although I’m sure everyone would kinda think you were a jerk to say that a baby is beautiful while knowing that you couldn’t see the baby.
Actually, what I really want to know is…if my fictitious baby were ugly (we’re talking about an alternate universe because my baby would, obvs, be the best, smartest, and most beautiful baby in the world), would you tell me? Or would you go on and on about how pretty it was and take pictures and post them all over God’s green earth saying how attractive “it” was? Would you be doing that to make me feel better? Or would you just tell yourself that all babies are beautiful in their own way? Or would you be focusing on other things like “Wow! ‘It’ seems very alert!” (that’s a compliment, right?)? Or would you think my ugly baby was beautiful because it was my baby and you like me?
I NEED TO KNOW THESE ANSWERS!! Am I the only person who thinks that some babies are ugly? Am I just a terrible human being (even though I have a certificate that proves otherwise)?
Oh, and for further proof that my baby would be adorable, see:
[Microphone drop].
4 Comments
LOL! You are killing me! So funny & so true. My boyfriend says the same thing ALL the time! He will just look at me & say, “Is it just me, or is that baby ugly??” I give odds that he only thinks about 10% of babies are cute..he may be a tougher critic than even you! ;)
Thank you for that! I feel so much better about myself.
Oh, I think there a lots of ugly babies out there. I usually just try to find something else to compliment like, “OMG, this outfit is too adorable!” or “look how tiny his/her hands are!” Better yet, if the baby was born with hair, “Look at all that hair!” Works every time.
I too, have frequently wondered about this. I used to tell my mom that if my kid was ugly, I’d give it away. And I was still telling her that well into my 20’s, it wasn’t some random angst-y teenager comment. I mean, seriously, if you have eyes and any level of intelligence, could you really not realize your kid is funky looking? Thankfully G-d didn’t curse me for me douchey attitude. Random strangers with obligation to be nice to me have commented how cute my kid is. Of course, that was before he had to get glasses…..I can thank myself for that genetic treasure, bad eyes.