Puree

OK. After re-watching the peonies videos again last night (yes, I’m STILL talking about those damn paper peonies), I think I figured out what the problem is. It’s this:

It’s Ryan’s blessed Ninja blender. First let me say that the name was initially very exciting to me as one of the main characteristics of a “real” ninja (to me) is their silence. So when he brought this home, I was all “WOO HOO! A quiet blender! Pretty sweet!” Uhhhh…yeah, no. It sounds like you just fired up a jet engine inside your kitchen. No joke. It’s so loud that we cover it with a towel whenever we blend something because we’re afraid the neighbors might complain. SERIOUSLY! And even THEN I fight the urge to cover my ears.

You’ll probably now say “Duh. It’s named for the amazing blades that cut with ninja-like swiftness.” That’s what Ryan assured me. He is a stone cold liar. I realized this a long time ago when I was making my green smoothies. No matter how long I blended them, I still had to do a little chewing. Needless to say, green smoothies did not stay on my breakfast menu for very long. Fast forward to today when I realize that THE NINJA IS OFFICIALLY RUINING MY CRAFT PROJECTS!!!! I can’t puree the paper finely enough which means I can’t make the petals thin enough! I looked it up online - the thing literally doesn’t puree. So, Ninja, let me get this straight. You are neither silent nor have sharp blades of greatness. WHAT KIND OF NINJA ARE YOU???? You’re basically a sumo wrestler. And a liar. And I hate you. This is pretty much us, Ninja:

Notice that you are very much NOT a ninja, but you are also beating me (oh yeah, I’m the little boy in this scene).

That being said, I’m on the hunt to borrow a blender. I’m not going to buy one (even though I really want to). I had a blender before Ryan got taken in by this one and its razzamatazz, but I’m not sure if we still have it. Ninja…you’re a real turd. THANKS FOR NOTHING!