So, a new show started on TLC called Craft Wars. Did anyone watch it? I’m going to assume no, but in case you were thinking about it, I’ll give you my 2 cents (probably more like a dollar). There were a couple of things I liked about the show. The contestants were all freaking amazing. And I love that you are able to bring a helper. Two of the ladies brought their husbands, but one girl brought her father and it was pretty much the cutest thing ever. Dads…they can just be so adorable! All I could think of is the nightmare that would ensue if Ryan and I were together on TV in a timed competition. Yike-a-bike.
BUT, here are the reasons I did not enjoy the show. At all. I warn you. A lot of negativity is about to follow. Turn away if you want to keep your body remotely feng shui.
1 – Tori Spelling is the host. Gag. Gag and barf. Barfity, barf, barf. You guys, WHY IS TORI SPELLING A DIY GURU ALL OF A SUDDEN???????????????? Her childhood home was so large that it had THREE wrapping paper rooms. Three. Wrapping. Paper. Rooms. Let that sink in for a minute. I have ONE BEDROOM in a 50 square foot (ok, maybe slightly larger) apartment!!! Why is she DYIng, you guys? Why?! DIY pretty much means doing something yourself so that you don’t have to pay for it. I mean, I get that when you have little kids, they want to make crap out of popsicle sticks and, I don’t know what else, paper? Glue? My “kids” have never asked for those things – more like furry mice and mod furniture (they totally ask). But for her to become someone who people look up to about DIY makes me want to punch dance right off the face of the earth. RIGHT OFF.
2 – The judges. They. Were. Awful. AWFUL! They just seemed downright mean. At one point, the lady from “PS – I Made This” whispered something about one of the contestants to the Michael’s (the craft store) judge and then they both laughed while looking at her. I looked around the room because I thought I’d been transported back to junior high. Maybe she fancies herself as the Simon Cowell of the judges. I have no idea. She just seemed like a giant turd. The other two didn’t seem that far off. Maybe medium-sized turds.
3 – The projects. I couldn’t find any pictures and I hate to post them anyway because it’s not the contestants fault that they were all pretty awful. The concept was awful – bags out of sporting equipment and cheerleading uniforms? What are they MacGyver? Here’s some chewing gum, a pen and a box of tissues – go make something amazing and fashionable! Good grief. The idea itself was a hot, steaming pile of poop. Blecht. And I realize that a majority of DIY’ers out there are moms. I’m, OBVIOUSLY, not a mom, so I was a little disappointed that both of the projects were so kid-oriented. I mean, a bag out of sports equipment and a child’s playhouse? If I were on the show (which I wouldn’t be because I’d never make it past the qualifiers as the other contestants were so good), I would have been so lost. What do kids like? Razor blades, electrical sockets and being shaken, right? Wait, no? They need chalkboard paint and crayons? Game over…
4 – Tori Spelling again. She kept interrupting the contestants to tell them how they were running low on time and needed to hurry up. If I were on the show, I’d probably shout in her face to stop wasting my time!! DUH! Ugh. She’s so blecht.
5 – Tori Spelling’s kids. OK. Not her kids. Her kids are delightfully adorable. Seriously. I’m not posting their picture because it just seems mean and they are truly the cutest kids. I mean, it’s not their fault that their mom pimps them out for publicity. Why did she insist (and you know she did) that they do a walk-on to bring out backpacks (or juice boxes or rulers or WHATEVER)? Why don’t you keep them out of the limelight for a hot second so that they don’t become the next Lindbergh Baby?
Wow. That was cleansing. I’m sorry to spew all the crap out on you. The saddest part of it all is that I know I’ll watch the next one. Somebody help me…